Posted by: carbonara | December 18, 2009

“On the second day til COP-mas, the Mr Men sent to me…

TWELVE SUCKERS SHIV’RING,
ELEVEN CAMERAS ROLLING,
TEN ISLANDS SINKING,
NINE RUMOURS SPREADING,
EIGHT MINISTERS MILLING,
SEVEN SONGS A-SINGING,
SIX HEADS A-HURTING,
FIVE    BOLD     TEXTS,

FOUR CALLING NAMES,
THREE LONG MINUTES,

TOO MANY VIEWS”

Here we are a day away from the long-expected deadline and the texts are in disarray. It is always expected in this process that compromises will only appear at the last minute but really, couldn’t we do better than two working groups who conclude after several years’ work that they have close to nothing to conclude, and documents still so riddled with brackets that Ministers can barely lift them, let alone make decisions. Why all the struggle and conflict? People are just different, that is all. And want different things. Otherwise we’d have formed a world government years ago.  Simply too many views.

Rumours still abounded on Thursday about whether Mr Perfect would be true to his word and show up to save the day at the final hour. Seeing as his side-kick, Little Miss Splendid, was already in town, she was able to take the questions on behalf of Mr Uppity’s negotiators. Although she didn’t deny the rumour, she went on to make possibly the most significant announcement of the COP to date (besides of course the daily publication of carbonara). But will her $100bn conditional funding proposal be enough to break the deadlock and allow the train of negotiation dominoes to topple each other one by one all the way to a deal? Not yet, but it may prove to be the turning point.

Meanwhile hard work continued in an effort to salvage something from the inconclusive reports of the working groups and host Mr Rush proposed to start new informal groups which, in true Mr Men style, would be dubbed discussions of “friends of the Chair”. The Mr Men therefore set to work, huddled in their friendly groups, late into the night.

Consensus, however, is as elusive as ever. Little Miss Stubborn was stubbornly vocal once again, inspired perhaps by the prolific words of Mr Chavez the day before. Mr Quiet became gradually less quiet and threatened to disrupt on procedural matters. Mr Grumpy has every reason to be grumpy and even $100bn is not enough to dispel his grumpiness. Red Mr Strong is happy to take action but doesn’t want anyone else, least of all Mr Uppity, looking too closely at what they are doing. Nevertheless the drafting groups drafted tirelessly through the night in the hope that their esteemed leaders may have something to negotiate on in the morning. Meanwhile those very leaders were allegedly huddled in their own circle of friends trying to bash out some kind of political accord that might save their political backsides…but will it be accepted?

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Responses

  1. Thanks. Really enjoying/ appreciating your posts. Still not sure exactly who they all are bug still brings some sense of it all to those on the freezing outside.


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