Posted by: carbonara | June 15, 2010

UN climate negotiations turn to facebook

As the latest round of UNFCCC negotiations draws to a close amidst the all too familiar disagreements and apparent stalemates, it appears that many negotiators have resorted to facebook to share their personal feelings and frustrations with ‘friends’ in other delegations. It makes one wonder if perhaps we’d be better off if the whole negotiation process was conducted through the medium of social networking. Welcome to the world of UNFCCC facebook….

(with many thanks to The Atlantic for providing the idea with its wonderful World Leaders group last year)

UNFCCC Secretariat welcomes everyone back to its home city of Bonn and the lovely Maritim hotel
xxxxAustralia commented: “Thanks. But it’s bloody raining again”
xxxxSwitzerland commented: “Oh stop moaning. You’re in the umbrella group aren’t you?”

China is busy implementing emissions reduction policies at home
xxxxUnited States commented: “Hey can I come round and see what you’re up to?”
xxxxChina commented: “Certainly not. Mind your own business”
xxxxChina commented: “And by the way, where’s the money?”
xxIndia likes this

Micronesia wrote on Canada ‘s wall: “Just wondering on behalf of AOSIS if there’s anything you want to tell us about your targets?”
xxxxCanada commented: “Darn. We were hoping nobody would notice”.
xxxxUnited States commented: “Go on. Tell them.”
xxxxCanada commented: “Ok ok. We’ve reduced our target to copy our neighbour”
xxxxNGOs commented: “Outrageous! Climate criminals”

China has joined the group “I bet I can find 1.3 billion people that agree with me”

United States sent the group G77/China a gift:  “IOU $100bn”
xxxxUnited States commented: “Hoping someone might help out here”
xxxxUnited States commented: “Hang on. Europe? Where’s Europe?”

European Union has joined facebook

European Union is now friends with Albania, Algeria, Angola, Antigua, Argentina and about 166 other people

European Union is pleased to be here. So this is where all the action has been these last few months. We were wondering why nobody has been talking to us.

European Union wonders if someone can remind China to accept our friend request. Obviously they haven’t seen it yet.

China and European Union are now friends

China joined the group “Hands up if you’ve got a trade surplus”

Mexico invited you to the event COP 16 in Cancun.  This is a limited access event by invitation only. You still need to RSVP
xxxx1500 confirmed attendees
xxxx500 people maybe attending
xxxx20000 people expecting to be left outside in the tropical heat for hours with no facilities or refreshment
xxxxDenmark commented: “Haha good luck, rather you than us”

European Union invited United States to join the group Kyoto Protocol
xxxxUnited States commented: “Yeah funny, you wish”
xxxxEuropean Union commented: “Maybe one day?”
xxxxUnited States commented:  “Nah”

European Union has decided to lead the world with a 30% reduction target

Poland is going on a trip to Brussels
xx Hungary likes this

European Union has changed its mind. 20% suits us better.
xxxxMicronesia commented: “Oh no. Not again”

Bolivia is loving using his brand new iPad
xxxxUnited States commented: “How the hell did you get that? I haven’t even got one yet!”
xxxxBolivia commented: “I thought you were in favour of Technology Transfer?”
xx Venezuela likes this

CDM Executive Board altered their privacy settings and has set all sessions to “closed”
xxxxBusiness commented: “Please can you at least explain why you did this?”
xxxxCDM Executive Board commented: “No. It’s confidential”.

Business sent Papua New Guinea a gift: pretty wooden horse
xxxxPapua New Guinea commented: “Why thank you, how kind”
xxxxBusiness commented: “The pleasure’s all ours”

Brazil added the REDD+ application and saved 386 trees whilst helping 23 smallholders
xxIndonesia likes this

European Union is thinking that 30% might be a good idea after all
xxxxAustralia commented: “How about 25%?”

European Union is considering how to agree on internal compromises
xxxxSaudi Arabia commented: “Compromising is for sissies”

NGOs are wondering if Copenhagen actually happened. Is it June 2010 or 2009? Not a lot’s changed
xxxxVenezuela commented: “Nothing important happened in Copenhagen”
xxxxUnited States commented: “Yes it did. Just ask China”
xxxxChina commented: “No comment”

United States invited Russia to join the group “developed economies”
xxxxRussia commented: “You think our ‘transition’ is over? Let us have a quiet word about this, my friend”
xxUkraine, Belarus and Lativa like this

Ukraine placed an item in  “marketplace”:  “Several million AAUs for sale, genuine article at discount price, one careful owner”
xxxxEuropean Union commented: “I’d like to see a warranty to prove this item’s integrity”
xxxxVenezuela commented:  “There’s no place for markets here”
xxBolivia likes this

France is totally sick of the food at the Maritim. Zut alors! Can someone please teach these Germans to cook!

Christiana Figueres updated their information page: current employment, place of residence, likes, dislikes

Christiana Figueres says come on people! Let’s get together and solve this thing! Surely it’s not so hard anyway?
xxxxYvo de Boer commented: “Christiana, perhaps we should go for a quiet coffee sometime. You can find me at  KPMG in London.”
xxChina and United States like this

Yvo de Boer is laughing all the way to the bank
xxxxYvo de Boer commented: “Adios amigos!”
xxxxYvo de Boer commented : “Goodbye and thanks for all the shoes”

Yvo de Boer deleted their account

South Africa thinks that we should all knock off early and watch the first world cup match
xxMexico likes this

Everyone disagrees with the Chair’s draft text and instead would prefer to moan about it all afternoon

Mexico would like to point out that we would have won if the darn conference hadn’t dragged on all afternoon
xxxxSouth Africa commented: “Haha”
xxxxMexico commented: “Shut up. Our COP will still be better than yours.”

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Responses

  1. pure genius!

  2. hahaha!

    nice 1!

  3. Sam likes this !

  4. Best synopsis I’ve read so far. A good laugh.

  5. a goodnight fun! :=)

  6. You have exceeded yourself with this one!!! I LOVE it!!!

  7. Where is Japan???????

  8. It’s great and so so true:D

  9. Scientists have released a new report months ago. How come no-one has commented it. Doesn’t anybody read anymore?

  10. Brilliant, good work. I laughed a lot.

  11. So funny! LOL on the Internet for the the first time in a loong time!

  12. […] https://lowcarbonara.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/un-climate-negotiations-turn-to-facebook/ […]

  13. Simply Brilliant – we should try and set something like this up on face book; with each of us creating a new account (eg Big business) and updating alongside Cancun.


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