Posted by: carbonara | December 2, 2011

COP17 BREAKING NEWS: Canada pulls out of Kyoto Protocol after seeing Durban conference facilities

STOP messing around - this is really a car park

Rumours were rife around Durban’s “International Conference Centre” today as it became apparent that Canada has expressed intention to pull out of the Kyoto Protocol having seen the state of the meeting facilities in the South African city. Already rattled by being told not to walk the streets after dark, the discovery that the delegation offices are in a bona fide underground car park was just too much for the reticent North American delegation. “I don’t care if they’ve put a carpet down and scattered a few pot plants”, said one senior delegate, “it’s still a f***ing parking lot. If that’s the best they can do then we’ve had it with Kyoto. We’re outta here”. On leaving they added “what’s more the wifi is rubbish. I can’t even facebook during KP plenaries”.

The EU's subterranean homesick "pavilion"

Other countries begged them to reconsider, pointing out that the rest of the conference centre is rather accommodating, the locals are fabulously welcoming and the negotiations could really do without unilateral self-removals from treaties.  The EU delegation in particular was looking on the bright side, still insisting on naming their subterranean burrow a ‘pavilion’, a misty-eyed euphemism of a distant colonial past, much like their attitude towards the Kyoto Protocol.  “In some ways this is great”, an EU spokesperson said, “it fits with our theme of calling all policies ‘roadmaps’“.  One cynical observer added that the existence of multiple stop signs, speed humps and scrape marks from near-miss collisions is  a rather appropriate backdrop for a UNFCCC negotiation meeting.

But the Canadians remain unmoved.  Besides, there are some far more interesting tar sands conferences coming up in Calgary.

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Responses

  1. I believe the tipping point was actually the shocking lack maple syrup donuts.

  2. KP seems to be heading North! Who else has abandoned the Titanic?

  3. […] More Like this:LikeBe the first to like this post. Leave a Comment by Wolfgang Sterk on December 9, 2011  •  Permalink Posted in UN Climate Negotiations Tagged climate conference, cop17, Durban, Kyoto Protocol […]

  4. […] Yup – we don’t like the meeting facilities in Durban. Rumours were rife around Durban’s “International Conference Centre” today as it became apparent that Canada has expressed intention to pull out of the Kyoto Protocol having seen the state of the meeting facilities in the South African city. Already rattled by being told not to walk the streets after dark, the discovery that the delegation offices are in a bona fide underground car park was just too much for the reticent North American delegation. “I don’t care if they’ve put a carpet down and scattered a few pot plants”, said one senior delegate, “it’s still a f***ing parking lot. If that’s the best they can do then we’ve had it with Kyoto. We’re outta here”. On leaving they added “what’s more the wifi is rubbish. I can’t even facebook during KP plenaries”. […]

  5. This means that a reckless fighter who takes a lot of punches to the head will have a much shorter career then one who is more careful and doesn t leave himself open all the time.


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